...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
home. puking in laundry basket.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
