Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
God, I missed his penis.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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