and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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