Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
