I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
