I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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