Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Sorry about my life...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
