I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
