Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
