Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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