Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
