U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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