i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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