pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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