Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
