At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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