I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
