guys are not supposed to queef...right?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
