when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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