if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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