just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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