i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
