It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize