I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
