And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
