can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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