apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
