I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
