3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Even my vagina gasped.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
