The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
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