I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
