I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
