the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
