You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
