I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
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