VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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