R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
