watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
