Screwed.edu
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
