hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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