I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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