No awkward lesbian experiences without me
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
