Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
