she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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