I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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