I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
