no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize