...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
