When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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