My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
