Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
