How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
