my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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