New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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