I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
