If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
