well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
