There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
