this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
