just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize