Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
