Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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