To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
