So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
