Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
