Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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