Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
